Through it all

5 Jun

We’re going to a wedding today. I had to pop out to make a last-minute, tummy slimming, leg warming undergarment purchase. Very mundane. I had left my baby behind, at home with her dad. I knew the two of them would be just fine. The sun was shining and it was early. I turned the pop music up loud.



In a world that seems to get colder and colder

Don’t you worry ’cause
My love will only get stronger and stronger


‘Cause I, I’m gonna love you gonna hold you through it all
I, I’m gonna love you gonna never let you fall
Through it all

When you’re down and out
Losing dignity
Don’t let go of me (hold on)
Surely this is a brighter day right in front of me (hold on)
If you really looked inside
You would finally realise
You don’t have to cry (no more)
All you have to do is see
That you can believe in me
And I will never leave


‘Cause I, I’m gonna love you gonna hold you through it all

I, I’m gonna love you gonna never let you fall

Through it all


And then (it’s your fault Alicia Keys), the world went a bit wobbly. I’ve struggled with this love. Sometimes I think it isn’t there. That I haven’t bonded with Baby Berry. If I love her, why this awful empty feeling when she cries? Why this anxious worry? This isn’t the feeling I call “love”, that makes me want to push my body against my mate, that reassures and buoys me up.

But as the world wobbled all wet with tears, I made a baby step towards understanding mother love – fierce, protective, fraught… And it’s definitely there.
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